WWMD: What Would Maria Do?

That First Week: Basic Answers to Common Questions

2011-12-23T10:49:00.000-08:00

My friends, Joe and  Sam (short for Samantha)  just had their first baby,

 Benjamin.  So, of course, I've been "all over that", ya know, seeing them

before hand and the morning after he was born, on their way home from the

hospital and through texting/facebook as well.

Like most new parents, they had concerns and questions which I am used to.   So I thought I would share our dialogs which contain useful information but

most importantly reflect the process and progress.  I cannot

emphasize enough how important on-going support is to the breastfeeding

family.   And if this is done well and in a timely fashion, the result: less fear and anxiety, lots of milk and a happy, content baby.

For you veteran - lactivists:   I am sure this dialog will trigger some mammaries, oops!... I mean memories of those very first days.

Sam: I honestly have an amazing husband....The last two nights have been

really long and hard for me because I just couldn't figure out what Benjamin wanted...Today joe kept telling me to nap and relax, which I did and it has made a WORLD of difference

tonight. Thank you wonderful husband/awesome daddy!

Maria's reply: First of all props to Joe!  Second, It's simple - Ben just wants you. Think about it: he was wrapped inside the warmth, security and comfort of your body for 9 months. You're still his home -he's just on the

outside now. And so your breasts have taken over where the placenta left off nourishing and growing his body - it's basic biology,.....we often forget that we are mammals.

Sam:  Ben spit up once yesterday and twice this morning....not a lot.    Should we burp him? He does get the hiccups.

Maria: Spit up: just means he ate more than he had room for. Maria-ism: " it's a 
laundry problem, not a medical one." the valve at the top of his stomach 
(esophageal) is very loose and floppy -which allows a baby to regulate his 
stomach contents by spitting up excess milk. Quite ingenious really. It helps 
not to force feed - he does not have to nurse on both sides - don't wake him up 
to feed him and don't lay him on his back right after he feeds etc. You will 
notice it happens more when your breasts are extra full...he will adjust your 
supply over the next 6-8 wks
Hiccups are a "space" issue. Their abdominal organs are all squished in a 
very small space right now. When they eat and their stomach is full- it presses 
up against their diaphragm ( which lies above the stomach) causing it to go into 
spasm. As their body gets longer and wider- their organs will drop lower 
allowing more room and thus the hiccups go away - basically they outgrow them. 
You don't need to do anything -remember in utero he drank about a quart of 
amniotic fluid a day and had the hiccups often without any problems.

Sam: my boobs still seem a little hard after Ben eats. Can I pump and save 
it for night time so Joe can do a feeding?

Maria:Yes it's fine to pump if nec-on mild to mod setting w/ good massage during -do one 
breast at a time -for only 15 min - more is not better . As far as 2 nite is 
concerned : your breasts will not allow u to sleep more than 2 maybe 3 hrs. Your 
prolactin levels are highest @ nite to accommodate the freq nite nursing in the 
beginning. So u will have to get up and pump - Joe will be stuck with a fussy 
baby fed or not, who wants his mommy and u will end up nursing anyway. Like I 
have said before: u need to learn how to lay down and nurse - this is the most 
effective tool to make your nites the best they can be /. I am happy to teach u 
how.  Also, if your breasts r very warm u can use some cool compresses in b/w feeds just wet 
two disposable diapers and place them in freezer tuck in bra until they reach body 
temp then refreeze reuse I 'd rather not use bottles just yet if Joe feeds him I'd rather him use the 
syringes - I show him how - you are doing so well ! I just don't want to screw 
anything up.

Sam: I tried to pump and it didnt work so I'll stick to feedings. As far as laying 
down to feed, I can't get myself up bc of my surgery. So eventually I will

take u up on laying down feeding lessons.

Maria: You just need to roll onto your side and stay there all night -honestly, you can 
do everything from there. I fear if u don't soon -u will crash and burn, sweetie

Sam: I crashed and burned this morning-tears and crying. But then took a two hour 
nap. Much better. I'm going to nap after lunch.
Maria: Normal hormonal stuff -this should pass quickly. Yes, your best time to sleep will 
be 7am-12 noon for the next 3weeks -that's when the babies sleep the most. So no 
waking him up, no phone calls, txt, visitors or appointments -this is your 
sacred time!!! Take advantage of it - u will feel much better if u do. 

Maria: It's annoying that I have an answer for everything, isn't it? Lol
Sam: Actually no....u r amazing. I'm sorry I have so many questions. 
Maria: Never apologize for asking questions ( I love playing stump the lactation 
consultant-lol) but honestly-most people do not know this information -it is my 
business to know it and share it 

Sam: We go to the Peditrican today :-)
Maria: Good -LMK how u do. Waiting on the slings-hopefully coming today

Sam: Sir Benjamin is now 6lbs 13 oz and grew a half of an inch!!!! Doctor said good 
job for ur breastfeeding instructions!!
Maria: Great job, people! That's 7 oz in 2 days! You should be so proud of yourselves 
-I know am!
Sam:  -) yay!!!   Instead of a peanut, he's a chestnut!

The "Corporate" Mindset - Are Women Thinking More Like Men?

2011-12-23T09:49:00.000-08:00

Since Breastfeeding is not about control or perfectionism ( nor should it be) it

does not fit the "model" women have now become accustomed to. Which I believe

is the corporate model set up by men. You know, constant micro-managing,

competition, over-evaluating, where A&B equal C, more is better, if it's free -how good could it be? and there is an agenda -always an agenda!

Correct me if I'm wrong, but in order to effectively compete with men in the business world

-women have had to think like men. This "corporate thinking" does not bode well

for breastfeeding and mothering in general. But it works beautifully for the infant marketing industry!

In my practice demographic - mostly high socio-economic, two-income families, control and
perfectionism runs long and deep. This, of course, only sets one up for anxiety
and depression. If one can't control it then it's too stressful and if it's not perfect immediately, it's deemed a waste of time- Exhausted/ fearful/disillusioned/ disappointed and desperate -one reaches for anything that brings them back to their "comfort zone" of control. In this case: bottle-feeding and/
or pumping. And guess who's ready to swoop down when this happens? We all know who those players are.

This pervasive mindset of control and perfectionism has set the stage for the most effective marketing strategy I believe history has ever seen - newborn product sales especially the infant feeding industry.

What can you do? Put the "corporate" mindset aside (that's fine for work) and tap into the feminine/maternal side of you....it's in there somewhere! Don't fall for the capitalism, commercialism and undermining marketing, that is stealing you from your child. Money does not equal love. Success in business does not equal success in parenting. Embrace and celebrate what makes us different as women. The tenderness, patience and fortitude to do what's right by your child comes from your heart, not your head.....or wallet.

Alcohol, Holidays & Breastfeeding

2011-12-23T09:34:00.000-08:00

I get many calls this time of year re: alcohol intake and breastfeeding.
Even though it is fine to "partake", I think it helps to remind ourselves that too much alcohol can impair one's ability to respond and safely parent as baby needs -- no matter how baby is fed.

So it is not as much the amount of alcohol present in your milk ( its too unstable to stay there very long) but the level of impairment you experience. Most of alcohol-related consequences are not breastfeeding issues, per se. but impairment ones.
So be smart and responsible: pay attention to how much you've had and your body's reaction to it - eat and drink lots of water.
If you get intoxicated: do not drive, have someone else care for your baby, do not co-sleep or nurse until you are sober. Only pump if you need to and discard that milk (until you are sober)

Please do not waste your money on alcohol test strips as they are not at all accurate or necessary.

For further info: This article from Thomas Hale's Infant Risk Center site can be helpful, whether breastmilk is direct from the source or expressed):
http://www.infantrisk.com/content/alcohol-and-breastfeeding.

Enjoy and be safe

Wean Me Gently

2011-12-15T12:51:00.000-08:00

I know I look so big to you,

Maybe I seem too big for the needs I have.

But no matter how big we get,

We still have needs that are important to us.

I know that our relationship is growing and changing,

But I still need you. I need your warmth and closeness,

Especially at the end of the day

When we snuggle up in bed.

Please don't get too busy for us to nurse.

I know you think I can be patient,

Or find something to take the place of a nursing;

A book, a glass of something,

But nothing can take your place when I need you.

Sometimes just cuddling with you,

Having you near me is enough.

I guess I am growing and becoming independent,

But please be there.

This bond we have is so strong and so important to me,

Please don't break it abruptly.

Wean me gently,

Because I am your mother,

And my heart is tender.

by Cathy Cardall

Happy Holidays & Healthy New Year !

Hormonal Contraceptives & Breastfeeding

2011-07-06T11:11:00.000-07:00

I receive many calls regarding low milk supply, a sudden drop in milk supply or a baby's poor weight gain or sudden drop or standstill in weight. One of my first questions is : "Are you taking any birth control pills?" Many times the answer is "Yes". Since many doctors are prescribing without warnings or just ill-advised, here is the "skinny" on Hormonal Contraceptives and their impact on breastfeeding. So you are able to make an informed choice yourself regarding what type of birth control method to use.

In NeoReviews, the official journal of the AAP, Thomas Hale, PhD states in his article Pharmacology Review: Drug Therapy and Breastfeeding (2005;6;e233-e240)

"Birth control products probably produce more complications than any other medication used by breastfeeding mothers. Estrogen-containing birth control products have been found to reduce human milk synthesis significantly in some mothers. Therefore, progestin-only products are greatly preferred in this population. However, even progestin-only products may reduce milk synthesis in some mothers, and great cautions should be used following their initial use. All mothers should be advised that these hormonal products may reduce milk synthesis, and they should discontinue their use immediately if they note a decrease in milk production. The use of medroxyprogesterone (Depo injection) early postpartum should be avoided until milk production has been established. Some mothers anecdotally report complete shutdown of milk production following its use."

The Drugs and Lactation Database (LactMed) HYPERLINK "http://toxnet.nlm.nih.gov/cgi-bin/sis/htmlgen?LACT" states that "nonhormonal (contraceptive) methods are preferred during breastfeeding". The hormonal contraceptive choices in question are progestin-only oral contraceptives,
Depo Medroxyprogesterone (DMPA) injection, Mirena IUD, and Implanon/Norplant implant.
Estrogen-containing contracrptives continue to be contraindicated for breatfeeding mothers.

Progestin-only oral contraceptives (Micronor, Camila, Errin, Jolivette, Nora-BE, Nor-OD)
Although touted as the preferred oral contraceptive for breastfeeding mothers, in the 2010 edition of Medications and Mothers' Milk, Thomas Hale states that "recent reports claim that Micronor can be assocoiated with decreased milk production". Also these drugs "may reduce lactose content and reduce overall milk volume and nitrogen/protein content, resulting in lower infant weight gain" Milk levels increase for most of these women when this contraceptive is stopped.

Depo Medroxyprogesterone (DMPA)
Common injection given to clinic moms in the hospital during their postpartum stay. Hales rates this as an L4 or Possibly Hazardous if given within 3 days of birth. LacMed states that "Administration sooner than 3 days postpartum could inhibit lactogenesis and interfere with the establishmnet of lactation."
If if this injection is given later, it can be a problem for women sensitive to progestin since it cannot be removed or stopped.

Mirena IUD
Even though, Mirena produces the lowest plasma levels of progestin thus becoming more popular, it is not without concern. Hale does note that "some caution is recommended as I've received three accounts of milk suppression following insertion of Mirena IUDs"

Implanon/Norplant implant
This involves placing six match-size, flexible capsules under the skin of a woman's upper arm. These release a low dose of synthetic progestin continuously for up to five years. I recently saw a client who experienced a decrease in milk supply after receiving this contraceptive - which again is difficult to remove.

Seasonale
This is an extended-cycle oral contraceptive but due to it's estrogen content , caution is recommended in breastfeeing mothers due to potential reduced milk supply.

Plan B, Levonelle or NorLevo
This is a post-coital emergency contraception. The mother should not breastfeed for the first 8 hrs, or at the most 24 hrs to reduce the estimated dose to the infant via breastmilk.

So am not advocating no birth control but there are enough "red flags" to use them with great caution.
Milk supply and infant weight gain needs to be carefully monitored. It is difficult to sit with a mother who is suddenly struggling with her milk supply and suspecting that her birth control method prescribed by her doctor may be responsible. It has high-emotional, physical and economic consequences for the mother and baby that should not be ignored or placated.

The Great Cloth Diaper Change 2011

2011-04-07T13:33:00.000-07:00

NaturallyBorn.net - A Website I like!

2011-04-07T13:06:00.000-07:00

Most of you know, I am not big on promoting websites. Simply because I feel people spend too much time on the internet looking for answers instead of with their baby (who has all the answers!).

But, I have to admit, I am excited about this new one called, naturallyborn.net. No hidden agenda just a mission to bring natural parenting out of the "alternative" and into the mainstream. (you know, I am all for the natural)

Looking for a midwife, birthing center, doula or breastfeeding expert ?- it's all there! A great resource for anyone looking to formulate a natural childbirth plan and breastfeed as well.

Not only is It is an informative site but interactive as well, with experts (such as myself!) answering simple questions.

So check it out....like it, tweet it, post comments if u like and pass it on to friends and family.

www.naturallyborn.net

The Concept of: Removal and Replacement

2011-04-06T14:31:00.000-07:00

"Your baby owns the "feeding thing" - you just happen to have the milk." How many of you have heard me say that? Too many. So I thought I needed to explain the concept of milk removal and replacement and it's impact on your milk supply.

First of all, the breast is not a passive container of milk but an dynamically active organ. Milk production is infant driven rather than hormonal. It is the removal of milk from the breast that facilitates continued milk production. Your nutritional status, age, body composition have only secondary impact.

So what does that mean? Inadequate milk removal or stasis (milk sitting around) tends to limit milk production. Know that It is the quality and quantity of the infant's suckling or milk removal that governs your production. Milk production reflects each individual infant's appetite rather than your own ability to produce milk. Thus babies pick a feeding pattern that best suits them, not necessarily the sibling before them or you for that matter, but trust them they know what they are doing.

As long as milk is removed regularly from the breast it will be replaced, almost indefinitely. But what happens when we try to control our baby's feeding patterns by schedule feeding, convenience feeding, supplementing or sleep training? Our milk supply goes down! The baby is no longer in control of it's food supply. We have messed with the amazing phenomenon of the supply-demand response - the very feedback control that regulates our production of milk to match the intake of our baby. So if your milk supply is dropping, it's simply because less milk is being removed - this can be natural as with child-led weaning or unnatural as in parent-led weaning.

Since lactation is energy-intensive process there are natural safeguards against wasteful overproduction as well as mechanisms for a prompt response to your baby's needs. Some examples are if your milk supply is huge, the baby may nurse quickly leaving more milk in the breast to send signals to the brain to reduce the supply. If the milk supply is lower or the baby has a growth spurt, the feedings may be more frequent and longer.

As they say, "there is a method to their madness". So best to leave the "feeding thing" to the baby -as long as they have unlimited access to you, you will have enough milk for them....and then some!

The Day You Were Born

2011-02-14T07:48:00.000-08:00

Maria"s baby pic

Today is my birthday. Yes. I am a "funny valentine girl" or sassy valentine woman whichever works for ya.

So in saying that, I am feeling a bit reflective......glad to be alive: having survived breast cancer 6 years now, grateful for what I have: 3 wonderful children, amazing family and fabulous friends - more than I can count! But most of all, my mind is flooded with memories of my mom who passed away almost four years now. And oh boy, do I miss her! Tears are running down my face as I write this. (sweet tears)

My Mom as a young grandparent-look familiar?

My mom had a great way of making you feel special. Since, I was born on Valentine's Day (I was almost called Valentina!) my mom baked me a heart-shaped cake every year without fail - the last one being two weeks before she died. I still have the cake pan which is 52 years old now (yikes!)

I often share with clients about a birthday tradition my mom started. On our birthday, she would come into our room and sit on your bed and tell the story of the day you were born. All the siblings would gather on the bed for the storytelling which as you might expect, was embellished more and more each year. Mine was a tall tale of blizzard-like conditions and treacherous travel to get to the hospital just in the nick of time. But my favorite part was that my mom said I was the first girl born that Valentine's Day! Which gave me celebrity status!

We all looked forward to the story, only our mother could tell, about the day we were born and she never failed to deliver it with drama, wit and love.
FYI- my mom was only "awake" for the birth of her last child #5 which my dad was present for as well.

For many years, I miss-interpreted the "first girl born that day" to mean that I was the first girl born in the whole world that Valentine Day! As a child, I used that assumed fact for bragging rights and leverage during heated neighborhood arguments about who's more special than who. Rightfully so, I was, hands down, the most special! Now you know where Maria gets her ego from!!

I continued the tradition with my kids and honor them and my mother in this way. To this day, my grown children (28, 26, 24) still get a big grin on their face when I tell them about the day they were born. Cherished memories worth repeating and embellishing!!

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

Taming Tiger Mom

2011-02-08T16:27:00.000-08:00

Discipline is derived from the Latin word, "discipulus" which means "learner". That makes you, the parent their "teacher".

Before I go on to speak about discipline let's clarify that I am referring to children over 2.5 years old. Discipline and babies should never be used in the same sentence! At that age it's more about distraction than discipline.

"The truth is, no matter how trying they become, babies two and under don't have the ability to make moral choices, so they can't be bad. That category only exists in the adult mind."
- Anne Cassidy

How many times have I heard?: "She's a bad sleeper." "He's a bad burper." "She's a bad nurser." "He's lazy." "She hates my right breast." "He hates my left." "She is using me as a human pacifier!" "He is killing me!" "She refuses the bottle." "He won't sleep on his own." "She is spoiled"

Honestly, people! Listen to the language we are using in reference to our little babies who come into this world pure, loving and trusting! Sounds silly now, doesn't it? Babies are not villains, out to manipulate, outsmart us and ruin our lives yet we tend to refer to them as such. (whose the baby here?)

Disciplining a child is a delicate process and is probably the thing that we feel most uncomfortable about, because why? it's about power imbalance! Not all of us are good at handling or managing power, probably because we didn't have the best role models ourselves. Discipline is woven into the fabric of who we are, it's a way of relating to the world, it is not a separate experience of parenting. It creeps into every aspect of the parent-child relationship and is reflected in every interaction.
When asked what the chief differences between the western style of parenting and the Chinese style of parenting Amy Chua Yale law professor and self-described "tiger mother," answered:
"I think the biggest difference is that I've noticed Western parents seem much more concerned about their children's psyches, their self-esteem, whereas tough immigrant parents assume strength rather than fragility in their children and therefore behave completely differently. … I think it goes without saying that love and understanding have to come first, without that it's nothing."
Frankly, it was difficult to find the "love and understanding" in most of her book which I felt was quite to the contrary -harsh.
Discipline is really about helping a child learn about the meaning of balance. When balance has not been integrated into a child's upbringing, disciplining methods are used to bring a situation gone awry back into a state of harmony. What we realize later is that poor discipline or introducing discipline too late in the day could send the situation into a serious mess. The root of all confusion is broken communication and lack of understanding.

Parents adopt different styles of discipline and punishment based on what they have learned in their childhood, or as a reaction to what they were exposed to. If one's parent was extremely authoritarian, inflexible and used physical punishment, then as a parent one might imitate that.

For instance, the "Little White Donkey" incident that pushed many readers over the edge. That was the name of the piano tune that Amy Chua, forced her 7-year-old daughter Lulu to practice for hours on end — "right through dinner into the night," with no breaks for water or even the bathroom, until at last Lulu learned to play the piece.01.20.11 Time Magazine
In contrast, parenting can rebound the other way to become extremely lenient. Either way, you are not responding in a productive way to creating balance in your child's upbringing, or your parenting style. The art of discipline is something you can learn only by being able to discipline yourself in a wholesome, healthy, and compassionate manner; every style of parenting is a reflection of one's own self-perception.
So is Amy Chua's style of parenting a reflection of her own self-perception? I'm sure it is.
"At its best I think it's not about achievement, but about trying to help your child be the best they can be and it's usually more than they think. It's saying “I believe in you so much that I know you can be excellent, and I'm going to sacrifice everything and be in the trenches with you and I don't care if you hate me while you're a kid and I'm just not going to let you give up.” That's, I think, a positive message. Amy Chua (Chew-Ah), Time Magazine interview 01.11.11

Most of us can agree that parents need to be firm and strict at times. Children actually need to feel that you are in charge, it gives them a sense of security. But discipline with love means to be caring, kind and considerate. In the same respect, parenting with love doesn't mean crippling, enabling or co-dependency.

The successful child is one who has learned how to overcome the inevitable losses and move on, not one who has been protected from all difficulties. Resilience is a much better measure of a child's ability to thrive than a lack of bumps in the road.

Just to "break it up a little" some comic relief from some famous people about parenting and kids.
The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet.
- Bill Cosby

It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.
- Phyllis Diller

There comes a time when a woman needs to stop thinking about her looks and focus her energies on raising her children. This time comes at the moment of conception. A child needs a role model, not a supermodel.
- Astrid Alauda (author, Pippi Longstocking)

"When a child turns 13 you should put him in a barrel, nail the lid down and feed him through a knot hole. When he turns 16, plug the hole!"
- Mark Twain

"When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.
— Erma Bombeck

If you have never been hated by your child you have never been a parent.
- Bette Davis

Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath, and hope we've set aside enough money to pay for our kids' therapy."
- Michelle Pfeiffer

In all fairness to Amy Chua, I commend her honesty and integrity in explaining why she wrote her book: Tiger Mom.
“I didn't write this book to tell people how to parent. In fact, I wrote this book in a moment of crisis. I was raised by extremely strict but extremely loving Chinese immigrant parents. To this day I adore them and I feel I owe them everything. I tried to raise my children the same way. My daughter rebelled against this kind of parenting and I felt like my family was falling apart. So the book is about many of the strengths I see in that kind of parenting but it's also about the mistakes.”
Amy Chua (Chew-Ah), Time Magazine interview 01.11.11

We are all far from perfect and everyone has the right to voice their opinion and raise their family as they see fit. I think we all learned something from the discussions that have taken place since her book came out. It helped to raise our awareness. Keeping us ever vigilant to pause and "check ourselves" from time to time.

What did I come away with ? Looking at discipline as simply instruction instead of punishment. We are the teachers, they are the students.

"It is not your job to make your child happy; it is your job to teach your child appropriate behavior that will potentially foster his happiness." - Susan Merkel, MD

How to Have a Good Fight - 10 Rules of Engagement

2011-02-04T14:09:00.000-08:00

This past Sunday in church, Pastor Clay Porr's message was on How to Have a Good Fight. 10 Rules of Engagement.

This is important stuff. Pastor Clay said almost every fight a couple engages in has to do with: money, children or the having of children. Sound familiar? The important thing is not whether you fight or not because it is inevitable. Disagreements are going to happen especially now that your lives have been turned upside down!

So, I trust this will help and remember both parties need to follow the rules in order for it to work. All is NOT fair in love and war!

!0 Rules of Engagement

1. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

You don’t have to fight every battle. In fact, if you want to have harmony in your family, you need to overlook minor offenses whenever possible.

2. Don’t sweep it under the rug.

On the other hand, if you can’t overlook the problem, you have to deal with it. Don’t just sweep it under the rug. Otherwise, the pile will build up and become much more difficult to handle.

3. Look in the mirror.

Before you begin arguing, ask yourself, “How have I contributed to this problem?” In the hundreds of times I’ve helped people with relationship issues, never once have I seen a situation in which only one person was at fault.

4. Hold hands.

Even if you don’t physically hold hands, remember that you’re part of the same family. The person you’re arguing with is someone you love. Act like it!

5. Identify the issue.

If you can both agree how to describe the issue you’re dealing with, half of the battle is over. Agreeing on the problem doesn’t solve it, but you can’t solve it if you don’t agree what it is.

6. Seek to understand.

Seek first to understand, then to be understood. A great way to do this is to restate what the other person said and ask if your understanding is accurate. We’re so quick to want to make our own points. But, if we’re willing to make the effort to make sure the other person knows we’ve understood them, the problem will get solved much more quickly.

7. Keep it current.

If you keep bringing up the past, you’ll never be able to move forward in your relationships. We can’t change the past, and we can’t expect our loved ones to change it either.

8. Avoid absolutes.

Never say “never” again! Don’t say “you always.” Don’t exaggerate what the other person has said or done; and don’t minimize your own shortcomings.

9. Apologize sincerely.

Do you want to know the quickest way to end a fight? Surrender! Apologize sincerely.

Don’t just say “I’m sorry if you were offended.” Or, “I’m sorry, but I wouldn’t have done that if you hadn’t done this.” Don’t minimize your offense. Don’t shift the blame. Be specific. Own your junk.

10. Forgive fully.

Forgive and don’t bring it up again.

Forgiveness means accepting the consequences for the other person’s actions. If you lend me $1000 and I don’t pay it back and you forgive that debt, you’re out $1000. You’re bearing the consequences of my failure to pay that debt. It costs you something. The same is true when we forgive one another when we hurt each other.

We talk about forgiving and forgetting. The problem is that we usually can’t forget, and so we’re tempted to bring up the offense again. But true forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting, it means not bringing up the offense again even when we can’t forget it. That’s pretty difficult to do. But necessary.

Book Review: What Your Pediatrician Doesn't Know Can Hurt Your Child A More Natural Approach to Parenting by Susan Markel MD

2011-01-27T10:28:00.000-08:00

Well anyone that knows me will tell you I am not a big fan of most of the parenting/baby books out there. Bonfire material mostly...I have been known to say, "That's why I haven't written my book yet...it would be one page long stating, "Don't read any books!"

Anywho, low and behold I was sent a copy of the above book. Title - right up my alley, of course. The following was the gist of the cover letter accompanying it:

It’s a really interesting book that encourages mothers to take a more natural approach, and to trust their instincts when it comes to raising emotionally and physically healthy children. As a pediatrician who has devoted her career to the support and promotion of breastfeeding, along with more accurate evidence-based information for parents, I’m quite gratified to see my book finally published and on bookshelves. It is the culmination of my efforts to create mindful and compassionate parenting, beginning with the best and most important start: breast milk and nothing but. Further, throughout, the book I discuss ways for readers to respect the environment, to avoid raising a generation of super-consumers and to bring peace of mind into our lives without harming either our vulnerable children, or our surroundings. If you have ever been frustrated, or simply not satisfied, with traditional medical advice that is being given to new parents, or if you are eager for accurate information, you will likely find my book quite enlightening. The first chapter, FROM BIRTH ONWARD, explains the real story behind standard (and often unnecessary) newborn medical procedures such as treatment of bilirubin, eye prophylaxis, hepatitis B vaccine and others.

Here is Dr Merkel's back round - I was impressed:
Board-Certified Pediatrician who has a private consultative practice specializing in parent coaching and child health. A graduate of Tufts University School of Medicine in Boston, I became a fellow of the American Academy of Pediatrics in1981, and an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC) in 1997. For many years I was a medical liaison for La Leche League and a member of the research advisory counsel at Attachment Parenting International. You can read more about her philosophy, which is expanded upon in the book, at her website: www.AttachmentParentingDoctor.com

I have to say, "Love this book with the exception of Chapter 6 - The Good Enough Mother - which I recommend you just skip right over or since I have spurred your curiosity read it but please, don't practice it.

I received your book today and am about half way through. So far, I absolutely love it except for chapter 6, not quite sold on the "Transitional object" in theory or practice. I think the introduction of such at 6 month is too early if at all. Don't you think as a culture we are too attached to objects instead of people? I feel if you wait for the child's readiness for independance they will do so without the need for an attachment object. If babies/children are neglected or left then yes I assume they would need something but otherwise it's a poor substitute for a person and scary when a child can go nowhere without the object. I just don't buy the theory even though I realize why it would "work" but your basically pawning off your baby to an object. If an older child chooses to drag a favorite toy around I don't think it should be discouraged but to reinforce the idea to a 6mo doesn't sit right with me That object will never do what a real person can.

Anyway just me feedback so far I will keep reading.

p.s. - Dr Merkel did respond to say that she will take it into consideration if the book goes into reprint.

Conclusion: I am going to be very honest and blunt here. I live in what I consider a poisoned environment every day (professionally), please do not take offense I don't mean you! So, it is not always easy and sometimes very lonely, swimming against the current. Many of us have discussed socialogica/psychological reasons why people have to stick to their ways of thinking, but suffice it to say that it makes them feel safe that way, to have their team rules to play by and root for. This is addressed somewhat in the book, I have to give Dr Merkel credit for "sticking out her neck" although in general the tone of the book is very positive , but in being positive she brings out the fallacies of those poisoning ways of thinking.

(ie the AAP)

I think that most of you will really like the book and that it will help you to take a stand against the nay-sayers. Would it help to have them read the book? Probably not. It might make it worse as they would have to take a stand against the ideas in the book which make them feel uncomfortable.

Hey, it is what it is.... Personally I felt somewhat vindicated since much of the book is information and ideas that I have been trying to circulate and share for years. Frankly, if it weren't for the wonderful books by Bill Sears MD, I would have surely jumped off a cliff by now!

Get Ready For: Maria's Car Seat Challenge!

2011-01-26T14:58:00.000-08:00

Yes, that's right. Starting in March, even though I would like to do it now, I knew I would catch all kinds of crap from everyone because "it's snowing" . Here goes - I challenge you to LEAVE THE CAR SEAT IN THE CAR and CARRY YOUR BABY! You will be allowed to use a sling, wrap or structured carrier. Now, I don't want to hear, "What if he is sleeping?" Yes, even if he is sleeping! News flash - babies are not supposed to be sleeping 24 hrs a day! Why don't parents want their babies to be awake anyway? (that's a topic for another blog) I promise you, that if you left the car seat in the car and carried you baby to and from wherever your going, they would be accustomed to it and guess what ? ... Be a better and more flexible sleeper!
I am not kidding when I say that the only advantage I'm ever told when I protest the bucket's ubiquity is that you can carry a sleeping baby in from the car. But, in my real-world observations, I've seen mostly awake babies carried around and set on the floor or the church pew or a table -- all those missed opportunities to attach, instead of detach, with your baby. Although, really, it would be fine to hold a sleeping child as well.

Here's another one: It's OK for your baby's face to feel the cool air or have the sun light shine upon it or even a rain drop or two to touch it. How do these babies experience anything when the whole outside world is a zipper flap away?
On a daily basis I see parents struggling to carry these infant car seats, and straining their bodies. I think to myself, "Why would someone choose to carry 20 lbs or more when they can carry 8 or 10? Using your infant car seat as a carrier can be a killer on your wrists, elbow, lower back, and neck if you tote it by the handle or if you string it on your forearm like a handbag. “The greater the horizontal distance from the weight you’re carrying to your torso, the more stress on your joints, discs, ligaments, and muscles,” says Mary Ellen Modica, a physical therapist at Schwab STEPS Rehabilitation Clinics in Chicago, IL. “It’s equivalent to walking around with three or four full paint cans in one hand--something most people wouldn’t do, but they’ll carry a car seat that way.”

Come on, common sense tells us that neck, shoulder, rib cage, pelvis, knee and ankle problems can arise or aggravate old injuries from lifting a heavy load on only one side of your body repetitively. Similar strains occur when struggling to get the infant car seats in and out of cars. It's not the breastfeeding positions or the holding of the baby.

Trust me, being an ER nurse over the last 30 years, I know how important car seats are for infant safety but , for the car, not everything else! New parents often look at me in shock when I pose the idea that they can actually carry their own baby instead of the bucket! Like they never knew the option even existed!

Now more about your precious cargo! Babies are very susceptible in early days of molding to their environment and a lack of movement results in decreased brain stimulation causing several long term effects. Basic neurology states that the Motor movement of the body drives the Sensory system which in turn develops the cerebral cortex(smart part of your brain). With the weight of a newborn's head on such a weak neck, lack of proper head support is very stressful on the nervous, skeletal and circulatory system. I have also observed new babies who have been left in these seats for too long with their heads becoming flat on one side, dropped over to one side or forwards. Many parents comment, "He hates the car seat!" Well, wouldn't you if you spent that much time in one? Or If all you saw was a piece of fabric in front of your face instead of the trees or clouds? Honestly, what do we think we are protecting them from?
Yes, a newborn's cranium or head is sensitive to flattening when left for too long in one position. This is not just an aesthetic point, the brain is resting within this cavity and the cranial bone movement determines how well cerebral spinal fluid circulates and bathes the brain and cord. A flattened occiput (back of the head) has been linked to SID's, nervous system, respiratory, digestive, cardiac and behavioural problems. I work with babies with colic, sleep issues, ear aches, breast-feeding problems and more and they always have cranial and upper cervical problems.

If that's not convincing enough read this story: Study: Infants Sleeping in Car Seats Could Be At Risk. It points out that the head flexion in car seats that are outside the car can restrict breathing in young infants. I believe that this is the study referenced in the article. A Google Scholar search turned up numerous other articles dealing with head injuries due to falls and overturning of the plastic carriers, plagiocephaly from spending too long in the seats, and many recommendations that these infant seats be limited to their proper use inside of cars only. Apparently, bringing them in not only exposes children to the dangers of falling out of them, but it also places them at more awkwardly upright angles that can threaten their airways.

So listen to "the voice of reason" (maria) and keep your babies moving, pick them up and carry them to and from the car and lay them flat in a bassinet or cradled in a sling. Or simply carry your baby in your arms, and your baby and you will both benefit.

Infants transported that way use their head, neck, and shoulder muscles to stabilize themselves and establish
stronger trunk stability. Those muscles develop sooner in babies who aren’t carried around in a car seat.

With all of the physical, chemical and emotional stress that is on parents and babies these days it is nice to know that we don't all have to "buy into" or subscribe to the incorrect use of these products.

Conclusion: Products that are introduced to our western culture may be very convenient or look good but what is the long term cost to us and our environment? We are now the sickest species on the planet !!!

Gratitude

2010-11-19T09:31:00.000-08:00

A Mothers’ Prayer

Help me remember, when I feel it's a chore,

The time will come when I'll hold my baby no more,

Asleep on my chest, the crib refused, the blanket,

the pacifier, gone unused.

What better place is there to lay baby's head

Than against my heart, my arms her bed?

For children may leave us behind

With only memories left to remind us

Of midnight walking and predawn rocking,

Of sweet, nursing babies slumber to sleep.

So, keep me patient and keep me present

While I cradle this dear child,

And don't let me begrudge another long night

With this baby, my darling, my joy, my delight.

With thanks to the original author,,Jan Dunlap

Happy Thanksgiving!

Pertussis Epidemic or Whooped-Up Media Hype?

2010-11-01T16:50:00.000-07:00

Do you know that many infants. children and adults will have a cough this winter? Very, very few of them will actually have pertussis. The "whooping cough threat" is just a media and health department exaggeration, saying it is an epidemic is totally inaccurate.

First of all, pertussis is a long, miserable disease and rarely is dangerous to very young babies. Most people are not actually tested for the bacteria - it is assumed or treated as such. There are other bacteria like, Parapertussis (rarely dangerous) that is not in the vaccine which may account for these illnesses. Also RSV and lots of other viruses are more common causes of fall/winter sickness.

So when it is "reported" that someone died of pertussis it is difficult to confirm due to the inaccuracy of the diagnosis. Media also needs to report that these deaths are usually exclusively in the underprivilaged families. There should be open dialog from public health officials regarding risks of winter illness instead of cross-the-board scare tactics.

Don't panic and be "sucked in" by sensationalized media stories. Just use common sense:
breastfeed, eat healthy food, stay well hydrated, avoid crowds when practical, wash your hands and relax!

Remember, we all have an immune system which is in place to help us when we get sick. Chances are, it will happen eventually. This is normal, not harmful. Sometimes I think it's purpose is to say, slow down, stop what you are doing and get some much needed rest!

Our Official Guardian Angel - Jordan Plaushinat

2010-11-01T15:47:00.000-07:00

My favorite picture!

Sometimes we are graced by the presence of an earth bound angel. They are sent as little gifts from God to guide, teach and enhance our lives but we never know the length of their stay.

Even though, Jordan wasn't with us long (22 months) she touched the lives of so many. Jordan was just like other kids, loved Elmo and Cookie Monster, books and balloons, helping her Mommy with the dishwasher and playing with her family and friends.

Who knew that this child would be chosen for greater duty? Who knew she would now serve as a guardian angel for all our little ones? None of us could have known or predicted or such a thing.....but we are glad to know she is there.

Jordan's bright smile, her contagious laugh and courageous personality will live on in all our hearts. Her life
serves as wonderful reminder of two things:
angels do exist and people may die but love never dies.

Dear Jordan,

Protect our little ones

when we cannot shield them;

Be by their side

when we are not present;

Wipe their tears

if we not know they weep;

Cool them
when their fever perists;
Lessen their pain

when we no longer can;

Sing to them

when we are weary;
Warm them
when their blanket has fallen;
Hold them close

when they are afraid;
Smile upon them
with your everlasting love.
Amen

Where Have All the Children Gone?

2010-10-05T10:42:00.000-07:00

Like many of you, I was horrified (again) after reading about the Rutgers student who jumped off the GWB.

Questions like, "How could this happen?", "Who would do such a thing to someone?" Yet, these disturbing stories are more and more common in the US.

Anyone that knows me, knows how I feel about the empathetic treatment of newborns and children. Many of you have been subject to a lesson, rant, lecture....call it what you may, regarding this important issue. We are models for our children and yes, they are a reflection of us. Scary when we are confronted by that reflection and have to face it for what it is. The US has done a terrible disservice when it comes to raising it's young and now as a society, we are left with the dismal consequences - detachment, low self-worth, dysfunction, aggression, I can go on and on.

How did we get here? Just the other day I came across this entry on the internet. For me, it helps answer that question. Also it reinforces the beliefs and teachings I try to bestow on all my new parents when it comes to aquired empathy and compassion. Like I say, babies don't need much...they just need you.
So here are some very powerful findings from a recent study out of Notre Dame. Frankly, why we need a study to prove this I don't know! Common sense, you would think.

*Ever meet a kindergartener who seemed naturally compassionate and cared about others' feelings? Who was cooperative and didn't demand his own way? Chances are, his parents held, carried and cuddled him a lot; he most likely was breastfed; he probably routinely slept with his parents; and he likely was encouraged to play outdoors with other children, according to new research findings from the University of Notre Dame
http://www.physorg.com/news204201579.html

**Three new studies led by Notre Dame Psychology Professor Darcia Narvaez show a relationship between child rearing practices common in foraging hunter-gatherer societies (how we humans have spent about 99
percent of our history) and better mental health, greater empathy and conscience development, and higher intelligence in children.

“Our research shows that the roots of moral functioning form early in life, in infancy, and depend on the affective quality of family and community support,” says Narvaez, who specializes in the moral and
character development of children.The three studies include an observational study of the practices of parents of three-year-olds, a longitudinal study of how certain child rearing practices relate to child outcomes in a national child abuse prevention project, and a comparison study of parenting practices between mothers in the U.S. and China. The longitudinal study examined data from the research of another Notre Dame psychologist, John Borkowski, who specializes in the impact of child abuse and neglect on development.

The results of Narvaez’ three studies as well as those from researchers around the world will be presented at a conference at Notre Dame in October titled “Human Nature and Early Experience: Addressing the
Environment of Evolutionary Adaptedness. http://ccf.nd.edu/symposium/”
“The way we raise our children today in this country is increasingly depriving them of the practices that lead to well being and a moral sense ,” she says.

Narvaez identifies six characteristics of child rearing that were common to our distant ancestors:

• Lots of positive touch - as in no spanking - but nearly constant carrying, cuddling and holding;
• Prompt response to baby’s fusses and cries. You can’t “spoil” a baby. This means meeting a child’s needs before they get upset and the brain is flooded with toxic chemicals. “Warm, responsive caregiving like this keeps the infant’s brain calm in the years it is forming its personality and response to the world,” Narvaez says.
• Breastfeeding, ideally 2 to 5 years. A child’s immune system isn’t fully formed until age 6 and breast milk provides its building blocks.
• Multiple adult caregivers - people beyond mom and dad who also love the child.
• Free play with multi-age playmates. Studies show that kids who don’t play enough are more likely to have ADHD and other mental health issues.
• Natural childbirth, which provides mothers with the hormone boosts that give the energy to care for a newborn.

The U.S. has been on a downward trajectory on all of these care characteristics, according to Narvaez. Instead of being held, infants spend much more time in carriers, car seats and strollers than they did
in the past. Only about 15 percent of mothers are breastfeeding at all by 12 months, extended families are broken up, and free play allowed by parents has decreased dramatically since 1970.

“Ill advised practices and beliefs have become commonplace, such as the use of infant formula, the isolation of infants in their own rooms, or the belief that responding too quickly to a fussing baby will ‘spoil’ it,” Narvaez says.

Whether the corollary to these modern practices or the result of other forces, research shows the health and well being of American children is worse than it was 50 years ago: there’s an epidemic of anxiety and
depression among the young; aggressive behavior and delinquency rates in young children are rising; and empathy, the backbone of compassionate, moral behavior, has been shown to be decreasing among college students.

“All of these issues are of concern to me as a researcher of moral development,” Narvaez says. “Kids who don’t get the emotional nurturing they need in early life tend to be more self-centered. They don’t have
available the compassion-related emotions to the same degree as kids who were raised by warm, responsive families.”

Wake Up and Smell the Formula!

2010-09-11T21:08:00.000-07:00

Earlier this year, I was contacted by the Nestle/Gerber people. Using flattery as their first tool, , I was told that "they" were so impressed by my website and experience. (Snake in the grass, getting ready to bite!) Here it comes....would I please help them out, and review the breastfeeding information for their "infant feeding hot line"? I would be handsomely paid, she said. Of course, I declined thinking I'd rather stick a needle in my eye than associate myself with a formula manufacturer whose unethical marketing practices have reached higher heights - the formula sponsored breastfeeding hot line!

Abbott and other formula companies have escalated their marketing campaigns due to dropping birth rates and more mothers breastfeeding. Many parenting websites, blogs, medical practices and hospitals have been successfully lured into the lion's den by wholeheartedly recommending the formula company's (Abbott & Nestle/Gerber) infant feeding hot lines. Are they stupid or what? That's as bad as the smoking cessation hotline by Winston! Let's just help Abbot, even more than ever, in its drive to cause more mothers to purchase Similac formula products.....OMG!

Mothers Beware!!! This is what happens: when you call the phone number provided by Abbott you reach Life Care, a company who has also been duped into marketing infant formula for Abbott. The person you reach is not an IBCLC, but an employee who has taken an on-line course in breastfeeding. You see, IBCLCs do not work for formula companies because it presents a conflict of interest. So you are being mislead into thinking that the breastfeeding help is coming from someone credentialed to do so.

This is a huge problem because mothers are receiving inappropriate information. I know because I, myself called to check it out, posing as a new mom with a two week old, worried I didn't have enough milk (sound familiar). I was, of course, told by the "breastfeeding expert" to pump and mix formula with my breastmilk! These are situations that are serious and adverse effects could be suffered by both mom and baby.

So now, companies like Babble.com who is pimping formula for Abbott and WedMD, whose infant feeding section is completely sponsored by Gerber (Nestle). are placing mothers and babies at risk. Would your doctor refer you to a specialist who was not licensed or certified? I hope not! Well, referring moms to a 'resource' which is not qualified to deliver the correct information is just that....irresponsible!

Formula companies do not care about you or your baby! They just care about making money, as much money as they possibly can which, as we know, is never enough money! Please tell them you are not falling for their portrayed image of community service(hot line). Please tell me you will not be duped into buying more of their products with this new ploy!

Keep a sharp watch because the phone number is always the same 800-986-8800 but advertized several different ways like; Feeding Expert or 24 hr Free Lactation Consultant (lie!)or Feeding Advisor 24 hr/day
Again, these are operators (who took a short on-line course) that work for Life Care, not breastfeeding experts!

Tell them you are smarter than that! By bringing this to the attention of anyone you know. If you see your doctor, hospital, favorite website or business recommending this number, bring this error to their attention. We should give them the benefit of the doubt, (first time offense only) many of them do not even realise the harm they are doing.

So take a minute and ask Babble.com to stop peddling formula for Abbott, ask WebMD to stop peddling formula for Nestle. Then, when you are done with that, report Life Care to the Connecticut state attorney general’s office and Abbott to the Illinois state attorney general’s office. Lastly, complaints can also be sent to the Better Business Bureau in Connecticut and Illinois..........just in case you needed some direction!

Blind-Sided by a Prejudice System

2010-07-28T07:17:00.000-07:00

Serena and my brother Billy in the
sensory room at the NFB Convention

What's the sense of it all?! (no pun intended) In a civilized society, you might think, how could this happen? The following news story was forwarded to me by my sister-in-law, Carol Castellano, who is the national president of Parents of Blind Children. As some of you know, my neice, Serena was born in 1984, very premature (23.5 wks) and weighed 1 lb. 4 oz. She was in the NICU for 8 months, suffered pretty much any complication imaginable but I am happy to say was exclusively breastfeeding on discharge. Serena is now 26 years old and attending graduate school at Rutgers for her MSW. And yes, I almost forgot, she is totally blind. Why did I mention that last? Because my neice is leading a full and productive life. She was educated in her hometown through the public school system. Serena started reading braille in pre-school, learned to use a cane by grammer school. Even though she had an classroom aide in the lower grades, she graduated high school and lived away at college with no classroom aide or assistant what-so-ever! Among her many interests, Serena is a sports fanatic and music buff. So the article below, really hit home to me. It nearly ruined my whole day last Thursday as I cried most of the morning and was so emotional I could barely write....

National Federation of the Blind Successful in Returning Infant to Her Parents

"Family Reunited After Wrongful Seizure of Child "

Independence, Missouri (July 22, 2010):

The National Federation of the Blind (NFB) and its Missouri affiliate announced today that they have succeeded in a legal fight to bring a two-month-old infant, Mikaela Sinnett, home to her parents, Blake Sinnett and Erika Johnson of Independence. The NFB of Missouri hired an attorney to assist the couple after Mikaela was taken from them at Centerpoint Hospital almost immediately after she was born. For fifty-seven days the couple, both of whom are blind, were allowed to visit their child in foster care but were not allowed to bring her home. The sole reason given by Missouri’s Department of Social Services was that the couple was blind and could not properly care for Mikaela without the assistance of a sighted person twenty-four hours a day and seven days a week. An evidentiary hearing was scheduled for July 20, but at the last minute the state of Missouri dismissed the case against the couple.

Dr. Marc Maurer, President of the National Federation of the Blind, said: “The National Federation of the Blind is pleased that the state of Missouri has dismissed its case against Blake Sinnett and Erika Johnson and returned baby Mikaela to their care. Despite the fact that blind parents are successfully raising children across the nation, blind Americans continue to find that misconceptions and stereotypes about the capabilities of blind people too often result in hasty and unwarranted decisions to remove children from the custody of blind parents. The worst nightmare of parents everywhere—having a child taken away—is sadly part of the lives of too many blind parents. The National Federation of the Blind stands ready and willing to help state officials across the country understand how blind people use alternative techniques to care for their children. But the blind of America will not tolerate our children being taken from us.”

"We were and are outraged at the action of Centerpoint Hospital and the state of Missouri," said Gary Wunder, president of the National Federation of the Blind of Missouri. "Children's services have the job of protecting children from abuse and we have nothing but admiration for that work. Taking a child away because her parents are blind is an entirely different matter which violates state and federal law. We have gotten Mikaela back home, but we must fundamentally change a system that presumes the incompetence of blind parents and operates on a principle of guilty until proven innocent rather than the reverse. We cannot help but think that new parents who are blind in Missouri will avoid seeking medical and social services that they may need for fear that they will experience a similar ordeal. We can never give back the two months this family has lost, nor can we restore to Erika the joy of nursing her child that this separation has made impossible. What we can do is use their adversity to change the system that allowed this atrocity and educate the people who have mistakenly equated blindness with a lack of perception, intellect, and judgment."

On May 21, 2010, Erika and Blake went to Centerpoint Hospital, where Erika delivered Mikaela. When trying to nurse the baby for the first time, Erika asked for assistance from a nurse when she thought something was wrong. The nurse said that the baby was turning blue and helped reposition the baby, who then began to take nourishment. The nurse assured Erika that it was common for new mothers to need some instruction and that she was doing fine. Blake and Erika were therefore surprised when, some four hours later, they were met by a children's services worker who made inquiries about their vision; asked how they would feed, diaper, and supervise their child; and eventually decreed that Baby Mikaela would not be allowed to be discharged with her mother unless the social worker could be assured there would be constant supervision by someone with sight. On the recommendation of Missouri's Children's Protective Services, Mikaela was placed in foster care and one-hour visits were arranged for several times each week. When the National Federation of the Blind of Missouri determined that blindness was the only reason the child was taken by the state, the organization hired attorney Amy Coopman to handle the case. The National Federation of the Blind now has the option to file complaints with the Missouri Human Rights Commission and/or the federal Office for Civil Rights, as well as at least three options that can be pursued in the state’s courts.

The trauma to these poor people, I can only imagine. The separation and lost breastfeeding opportunity for this mom and baby....it just made me sick! (I did contact a consultant who is willing to help Erica initiate and enjoy some nursing again, if she so wishes)

My neice, Serena aspires to get married and have children, as is her right and privilage. She is by far one of the most intuitive women I have ever known, as many non-sighted people are, and would make a wonderful mom!. So we have to make sure that what happened to this couple, never happens again.

It's OK to be blind and also be a parent!!!

Carol Castellano (New Jersey) blindchildren@verizon.net:

"--blind people can lead normal lives complete with a job,

a family, friendships, fun, and involvement in community life."

Stress of Our Sisters

2010-07-01T20:53:00.000-07:00

Stress kills. There has been enough research to prove that. But is stress killing our mothers and babies, especially our black mothers and babies? I say, yes!

First, here is the recent evidence of racial disparity related to maternal /child health:
• A recent NY Times article stated that black women in New York are seven times more likely to die in childbirth than white women.
• An article in a University of Wisconsin alumni magazine, said babies born in Sri Lanka have better health outcomes than black babies born in Milwaukee.
• Another study appeared in the Journal of Community Health concluding, despite socioeconomic differences, fatherless children born to black women had a seven-fold risk of death in contrast to infants born to Hispanic and white women in similar situations.

Now, a quick lesson, about how the human body copes with acute stress. Cortisol “the stress hormone” is released in increased amounts during stress and in turn, helps regulate the body’s many functions
• Proper glucose metabolism, regulation of blood pressure, insulin release for blood sugar maintenance,
immune function, inflammatory response.

Small increases of cortisol have some positive effects:
• a quick burst of energy for survival reasons, heightened memory functions, a burst of increase immunity, lower sensitivity to pain, helps maintain equilibrium in the body.

The problem: while cortisol will return to normal following a stressful event, in our current high-stress culture, the body’s stress response is activated so often that it doesn’t always have a chance to return to normal, resulting in a state of chronic stress.

Most importantly, the higher and more prolonged levels of cortisol in the bloodstream (like those associated with chronic stress) the higher the negative effects, like:

• Impaired cognitive performance, suppressed thyroid function, blood sugar imbalances such as hyperglycemia, decreased bone density, decrease in muscle tissue, higher blood pressure, lowered immunity and inflammatory responses, slowed wound healing.

• Increased abdominal fat, which is associated with a greater amount of health problems than fat deposited in other areas of the body. Some of the health problems associated with increased stomach fat are heart attacks, strokes, the development of metabolic syndrome, higher levels of “bad” cholesterol (LDL) and lower levels of “good” cholesterol (HDL), which can lead to other health problems!

Now, let’s put this in context with a pregnant black woman. It doesn’t matter if she is rich or poor, good neighborhood or bad, educated or uneducated, single or partnered. It is safe to assume that most women are under emotional and physical stress when pregnant. Isn’t it telling that the same medical conditions given for the poor outcomes of pregnant black women are the same conditions resulting from high, chronic stress, for instance, obesity, high blood pressure, high blood sugar and infection? So it must be that black women exhibit or internalize stress at a higher level than their counterparts.

Now for the babies, a mother’s stress level, during pregnancy directly impacts the baby’s physical and emotional health. Research has linked this with preterm delivery, lower birth weight, “The common conception that a mother’s psychological state can influence her unborn baby is to some extent substantiated by the literature,” write Ali S. Khashan, M.Sc., of the University of Manchester, England, and colleagues. “Severe life events during pregnancy are consistently associated with an elevated risk of low birth weight and prematurity.” Chemicals released as part of the mother’s stress response may have an effect on the fetus’ developing brain.

What can be done? If we were to conclude that chronic stress leads to persistent high cortisol levels, which then leads to all these health complications for mothers and babies, how do we fix that? Can we step into someone’s life and eliminate their stress? No. But I do think we can help them limit their exposure, possibly and lessen their body’s response to stress. So they can manage their stress better.

Let’s face it. If you do not address the “inner reasons” someone overeats or is depressed, you can conduct all the nutrition classes you want but they will not work. We need to give women the tools to cope with the multitude of stressors they faces on a daily basis. People have overcome tremendously stressful situations with 12 step work so I propose “The 12 Step Program for Pregnancy”

I am thinking of a program similar to many12 step programs. Support groups for pregnant and new mothers listening and learning from each other. Basing the program on many of the slogans and doctrine of successful 12 step programs, for instance, One Day at a Time, Live and Let Live, Think, Let Go/ Let God, Keep It Simple, the serenity prayer also choosing a sponsor, having a call list and weekly meetings. These are simple and effective principals anyone can learn. Along with classes in guided imagery, journaling, self-hypnosis, exercise, yoga, music, breathing exercises and meditation in the prenatal period and postpartum for the first year.

Promoting healthy, coping skills that can be applied to anyone, at any time, would be a proactive, low cost intervention. Supporting the management of stress through finding serenity, our pregnant mothers would benefit from a new way of thinking, a new way of acting, giving them and their babies a new lease on life.

Happy Father's Day to All You Awesome Dad's!!!!!

2010-06-23T11:50:00.000-07:00

My Father’s Love

A warm embrace
His bristled face
The voice no person can replace

A steady stride
Chest held in pride
My hand held in his, side by side

Safe, secure,
Always sure
No harm I’ll ever see

With strong admire
I’ll never tire
Of my father’s love for me.

By Maria Parlapiano
6/2010

Relative Insanity

2010-06-07T09:43:00.000-07:00

I spent the weekend with my family over Memorial Day. My father, aunts and uncles are all in their late 70’s- early 80’s. Like most Italian families, we sit around the dinner table for hours talking (which I love). Since we are obsessed about food, any kind of food, the conversation always includes discussions over food and the eating of it. In my case, it ends up being about breastfeeding(this happens to me no matter where I am).

None of my cousins or I, were breastfed. When asked why, both my aunts shrieked, “What are you crazy?” Even after I acknowledged that breastfeeding was vastly discouraged, they disclosed that they would never have breastfed, even if it were encouraged. “They gave you a shot and it was all over.”, my Aunt Grace added. Remember, this was when women stayed in the hospital for a whole week (1950’s-1960’s) and never saw their babies at night. My Aunt Ellie exclaimed, “We needed our rest!” Yeah, I guess so, in order to go home to sterilize bottles and create from a recipe, a formula mixture also wash more clothing and diapers due to spit up and diarrhea. I've learned over the years that discussing the many benefits of breastfeeding gets you nowhere with these people, (even though I still try) because they fully believe that my cousins and I were “just fine” then and are “just fine” now.

Well, the truth is, we were far from fine! As infants, multiple illnesses and hospitalizations for dehydration caused by vomiting and diarrhea were common but yet that was considered normal and "fine." Even though we all had colic, well, “all babies have colic.” As a matter of fact, my aunt said that she had to stop putting Karo Syrup in my cousin, Lorraine’s formula because “she didn’t tolerate it too good”. Just a day after being home from the hospital (at 1 week old), we were fed cereal in our bottles....every day! Take a look at my baby picture at one year old. I look like a block of cheese on shoulders!

I have eighteen cousins on that side of the family. As adults, we are all overweight, some morbidly. Food, environmental and medication allergies, cancer, lupus, diabetes, pituitary and digestive issues are suffered by almost all. Yet in our relative’s eyes, we are "just fine". They refuse to see any correlation to how we may have been fed as infants to our present health. It’s an argument we will never win.

Just as a caveat, I would like to clarify that my parents were extremely supportive of my breastfeeding. My mom grieved over the fact that she was not encouraged more to nurse us. Never did my father make a contradictory remark or choose to leave the room when anyone nursed….I was blessed. As a matter of fact, my maternal grandmother wet- nursed a couple of babies, back in the 1930’s, after their mothers died in childbirth.

When it came to breastfeeding our own children, my cousins and I were quite successful. Too successful, as far as some of our relatives were concerned, especially since we nursed long-term. We supported each other and reveled in our accomplishment. Break through the barriers of misinformation and mythology and without the guidance of our own mothers, breastfeeding was ours and we proudly owned it. I remember at a family get-together one Easter, there were eight of us (cousins) nursing in my parent’s living room. As my Uncle Skeeter passed through the room, he covered his eyes yelling, “Do you have to do that here?” We retorted, happily, “Yep, here, there and everywhere............need a little cream in your coffee?!”

Vivid Mammaries

2010-05-26T11:26:00.000-07:00

Today my son, Peter turns 26. Yes, I am older than I look! (Ha!) It was the 1980's, big hair, leg warmers, parachute pants - I had it all go'in on!

Every year, on my kid's birthdays, I reminisce. When they were little, I would tell the tale of the day they were born. I embellished some (you know how I love to do that!) making it the most exciting day in history of the world! (they loved it)

Like most women, those events are as vivid today as they were then, you will always remember everything about that day. So, I'd like to share Peter's birthday with you. He was a VBAC delivery (vaginal birth after cesarean) 9:30 pm at Overlook Hospital.(one of the first ever done there, 1984) It required that I change doctors. My first OB, who sectioned me two years earlier, told me that I could only delivery approx. a 7lb baby. When I asked how he knew that he said, “I just know these things.” Wow, he must be like superman and have X-ray vision, I thought. (Peter was born 8.8!)

So I fired and hired the next OB. Sheila B.,was a young, new, single practitioner who had a thriving business. We would sit for hours in her waiting room and socialize until she was ready to see us. Sheila spent alot of quality time with her patients so she was worth the wait.

With Peter, I was in labor for 18 hours of which she stayed with me the whole time.. Knowing I wanted to deliver vaginally, she took all the proper precautions (there were probes and wires everywhere!) When all was said and done, (yes, with lots of intervention like pitocin, epidural, vacuum extraction)…he was out! At the time, I thought I did pretty well. After all, I didn’t have a c-section. As I often tell people, I was trained as an ER nurse so intervention and machines, were my “comfort zone”. It wasn’t until I had my next child that I had a natural delivery (she was 8.15!) Ya know what they say, "Three's a charm!"

I still giggle thinking about my first child, Nicole, who was so hairy. I remember saying to my husband, “Forget a college fund, we’d better save up for electrolysis!” ( this is a girl who went on to shave the tops of her forearms in high school). I also jokingly blamed my husband, “It’s your entire fault, she’s so hairy.” (the man looked like Sasquatch!) So when I saw Peter’s head crowning in the mirror, I yelled, “Are you sure that’s his head?” He was as bald as Uncle Fester! If that’s not bad enough, when I first saw his face I thought, “OMG, he looks just like my mother-in-law”. Imagine that!

It was with my second, Peter, that I really let go of the stupid breastfeeding advice given to me with my first. My hospital room mate, Mari was an integral part of that. (yes, we shared rooms back then!) She also VBAC’d with the same OB, so we instantly bonded. Mari was the one who opened my mind to a whole new way of thinking. “Just nurse him whenever he wants, that’s what I do”, she said, “It’s easy.’ I thought, if she can do it, so can I ....and I never looked at a clock again.

Peter breastfed for 22 months and we enjoyed every minute of it. I actually nursed him through 7 months of my pregnancy with Andrea. Eventually, he replaced nursing with putting his hand down my shirt between my breasts (very sweet!) Two months later, I delivered Andrea and happily started all over again!

Now that I think of it, I haven’t stopped feeding Peter yet. I'm making him dinner tonight for his birthday!

Since my kids are grown and I don't breastfeed, co-sleep, cuddle or hold their little hands much anymore, (they just won't let me!) I live my life vicariously through all of you. Thank you for sharing your precious babies with me! May your memories of this time be as vivid and happy as mine.

Do You Suffer From PEDSPHOBIA?

2010-05-26T00:16:00.000-07:00

No, it’s not the fear of feet! That’s podophobia. I am talking about PEDSPHOBIA - fear of your baby’s pediatrician. If you have never heard of this condition, it’s because I made it up! For the simple reason that I see it often in my practice and feel it needs to be finally documented.

I bet you are wondering, OMG is Maria talking about me? Am I a PEDSPHOBIC? Well, only you can answer that. Let just say that if you ever dreaded an office visit because you were afraid of being yelled at or looked upon with disgust by your peds or his staff, then yes, you suffer from PEDSPHOBIA!

PEDSPHOBICS typically possess the following traits: choose to trust Mother Nature more than the AAP or FDA (the nerve!). They tend to question advice that doesn’t make sense (what are they thinking!). Their children don’t do what the doctors own child did (shocking!) Their baby doesn’t follow suit with the “baby in the book.”(go figure!) For example, their baby is off the growth chart or was never on it. Their baby never taught itself to sleep, doesn’t eat 3 meals a day by 6 months (hates cereal), doesn’t use a pacifier and doesn’t like shots. (unfathomable!)

OK. It’s time. Come on PEDSPHOBICS, stand up and be counted! You’ve been chastised by your child’s doctor or his staff for one or all of the following: your child isn’t fat enough or is too fat, their head circumference is too big or too small, you let your baby “use you as a human pacifier” (one of my favorites!), you don’t allow enough “tummy-time”, you allow too much “tummy-time”, you are the dreaded “co-sleeper”, you make your own baby food or decide not to use cereal as a sleep aid, you decide not to give Tri-Vi-Sol or fluoride vitamins, you choose not to use formula or give bottles, you choose not to vaccinate, split or spread vaccines or basically question (as you should) everything they say and decide not to do any of it. You have been chosen as a contestant in my new reality series, Fear Factor-it’s Mom’s Turn!

It saddens me that the professionals who have the most influence on new parents, the ones who parents rely on most for information and advice choose to intimidate, instead of educate. Using fear to subdue, short-circuit and control parents’ behavior is so commonly used by doctors that we have accepted this as the standard of care, choosing to go back for more, over and over.

Being coerced or forced to make decisions you are not comfortable with or not ready to make is wrong. Being scared half out of your wits for no good reason is wrong. Being spoken to like a child is wrong. Being given misinformation is wrong. Being meant to feel like you’ve been sent to the principal’s office is wrong. Being set-up for failure is just wrong.

So, my advice, don’t be a PEDSPHOBIC. Be a MOMINATOR instead, someone to be reckoned with.

*Side Note: Did you know there is a phobia to phobias? phobophobia! Yikes!

Babies Give "Fums Up” for the Movie: BABIES!

2010-05-09T00:09:00.000-07:00

With great anticipation, a bunch of pint-sized movie critics srtolled into the first showing of BABIES on Friday, with moms in tow. Finally, the movie they had been whining about was here! I scowered the pre-show crowd of min-movie goers for an interview. Eager to share his story was Nate, who reveiled that on the ride over, he was so excited, he pooped his pants! Based on the cheers from his friends, it was diaper changes all around!

The lobby buzzed with baby babble. “At first, we thought it was just another one of Maria’s jokes,” said Eddie, “but at group last week, Will told us that when his parents went to sleep, he went online and verified the information.” A few had to clear their work schedule in order to make the event. “It is so worth it,” said Evan, “seeing the old gang again is totally awesome and I heard it's really dark in there and that's really cool.”

The little patrons were glued to the screen and to their mothers. Coo’s and ahhh’s, mixed with gasps and screeches made it clear to me that they were riveted to this film. At one point, you could hear a diaper pin drop! A few moments were so poignant; they were brought to tears. Others so funny, they pee’d their pants! Fellowship filled the room as the babies realized their own dreams (time to brush off the porfolio and screen test, imagining rug burn on the red carpet!) and discovered they were one with all the babies the world.

When the movie was over, I approached the girls for their opinion. “I thought the boys were totally out of control,” Joy shared, “especially that African boy, he’ll eat anything!” Alexis felt some scenes were a bit too revealing admitting, “I had no idea, if you know what I mean.” Julia agreed, stating “the girls looked very stylish, the boys, well, can you say the word, pants?” Kayla laughed saying the boys were cute and fun, the kind of guys she’d like to hang with. Isabella whispered in my ear that she was afraid of the animals and thought they probably smelled bad and might bite the babies but they didn’t. Also, she would warn her dad never to try pushing her down the plastic ramp in her play car….ever.

Then I asked Ché how he enjoyed the movie, he said, “I wish my mom would let me go bare- naked and that Japanese chic has control issues.” Tristan, himself a well-known performer, was asked about the acting quality in the movie, he quipped, “You’ll have to read my blog.”

Ben attended the movie with his entourage from Montclair. His main take-away was that he’d like to try some of those new nursing positions. His friends wholeheartedly agreed. Anthony slept through the entire movie complaining that his parents kept him up all night.

Nikhil announced, “I would highly recommend this movie to any baby who has an appetite for life and an adventurous spirit!” Lastly, Jack, senior of the crew, summed up the event with one simple sentence: “The movie, BABIES is a no-napping, nursing experience –thrilling, enlightening, warm and nourishing, all at the same time.”

In Your Baby’s Eyes

2010-05-03T21:07:00.000-07:00

My gift to you, Happy Mother's Day!

In your baby’s eyes...

Even though you can’t zip your jeans

~your body is soft and warm

Even though you doubt yourself

~your voice is kind and reassuring

Even though you’re covered in sweat and milk

~your scent is heavenly and divine

Even though you feel awkward and inept

~your touch is gentle and soothing

Even though they may be wet with tears

~your eyes are tender with compassion

Even though some gets spit up

~your milk is sweet and intoxicating

Even though you may pretend to be amused

~your smile is engaging and delightful

Even though they may be weary

~your arms are an unfailing sanctuary

Even though it may throb with fatigue

~your beating heart is devoted

Even though what you see are flaws and imperfection
~in your baby’s eyes, you'll always be the object of affection

written by Maria Parlapiano

May 2010

"Personal Preference" - NOT!

2010-04-28T23:38:00.000-07:00

I received the following e-mail today:
I came to Maria last year when my daughter had difficulty nursing. Maria believed my baby had torticollis (amongst other health concerns), which explained why she wasn't nursing well. After going to at least 5 separate pediatricians, orthopedists, and neuroligists who all told me she had a personal preference, I gave up on the idea that she had torticollis. At one year, she remained "crooked" and the diagnosis at a very well known pediatric orthopedist was torticollis (left untreated for one year!!)

Well, well, well... So, I pulled her chart to refresh my memory and my notes could not have been clearer. FYI- Torticollis is a twisted or stiff neck caused by spasmotic contraction of neck muscles drawing the head to one side with chin pointing to the other side.    As you can see by the description, it doesn't take an Einstein to figure this out yet, she was jerked around by many doctors.

If you know me at all, you have heard me say over and over "babies are the smartest people I have ever met and they always do things for good reason". If you look, watch, touch and listen, they will lead you to what's wrong. Also, mothers always know when something is "not right"with their child....never ignore her! So, I take special care and pay attention to everything I can...that's how it's done. The problem is, it takes time and they are too busy to do the job right!

Of course, I sent her back, a very supportive e-mail tonight. Trying to be positive, praising her courage and reassuring her. "You did the right thing by taking matters into your own hands, she is lucky to have you for a mom! Now that she is on the right track, the baby will get the treatment she needs and deserves....she will be OK"
But between you and I, this makes me sick, sad, disturbed and pissed-off that this poor mom and baby were denied an early diagnosis and treatment plan! Not to mention, the emotional and physical trauma, that could have been avoided!

How could these people call themselves professionals??? What was this child’s pediatrician doing all year, besides sticking this kid with needles and spewing percentages from that stupid growth chart?!!! ....

I tell you, a day does not go by, that I don't hear about a mother and child who are damaged by a negligent act or statement, a rude, hurtful comment, punitive advice or just plain wrong information, by their "hired professional" (doctor) Yes, they work for you!!! Remember that!
You don't have to put up with this crap! You are working hard for your insurance and paying top dollar....for what, to be treated like this?  I bet, if one of their employees performed like that, they would be fired....lickity-split!
So unless you start speaking up and leaving those particular practices, they will just continue to do what they do, over and over. You deserve better.

Now I'm all worked up.....gonna take a hot bath and go to bed.
This blog is gonna kill me yet.

Tip Off to the “Top Off”

2010-04-27T21:33:00.000-07:00

Alas, a solid study which finally “put to bed” the myth that giving your breastfed baby a bottle of formula at night, makes him sleep longer.

The article by Theresa Doan called "Breast-feeding Increases Sleep Duration of New Parents", compared how much sleep parents lost when they gave the formula supplement before bed versus not giving it. Why the focus on the parents instead of the baby? Sadly, to the parents, it's their own lack of sleep that is really the concern, not the baby’s.

Like, James McKenna, PhD, who directs the Mother-Baby Behavior Sleep Lab at Notre Dame, this research is based on “real monitored” sleep. They didn’t just ask parents how they slept, (sleep-deprived parents are just not reliable when reporting how long they slept) Instead, they watched and/or monitored their sleep.

The findings: Babies DO NOT sleep longer with a formula bottle, actually they slept less. Let me put it another way; parents have a 40-45 minute sleep loss when they give A BOTTLE of formula at night as opposed to just breastfeeding. Also, it showed that BOTH parents were affected, not just one.

How did this, “top off” myth come about in the first place? It is simply a “throw-back” from the formula feeding years. Think about it, prior to the 1960’s, when you gave birth in a hospital, there was no rooming-in. As a matter of fact, the feeding schedules were so rigid, you didn’t see your baby often enough to establish a breastfeeding relationship, let alone ample milk supply!

New mothers were in the hospital, for a week or more to recooperate. During that time, the babies remained in the nursery for long periods, especially at night, whether they were crying or not. Back then, the mantra was “crying is good for the lungs” (which many grandparents still think is true).

So, these well-rested mothers ended up with LOW milk supply, due to nothing more than, lack of contact and breast stimulation. This set the stage for formula feeding as a means to satisfy the late night hungry baby and thus equate such bottle, to better sleep. It’s no wonder so many women, from that era, felt they just didn’t have enough milk...I'm sure most of them didn't.

Sad to say, the same practices, while more subtle, exist today. Even though, we have rooming-in. Babies are not nursed frequently enough, especially at night, for fear of “being used as a human pacifier”. What are you left with? a fussy baby and low milk supply.

I don’t believe the myth that, the slow digest-ability of formula has, to do with parents sleeping better. I do believe that “super-sized” formula-feeding before bed, is the direct result of the rigidity, discouragement and/or unwillingness to nurse frequently at night, in the very early weeks. It’s the artificial schedule and formula-feeding together, that ultimately results in less sleep for these parents, not more, like they were led to believe.

Shedding the Light on Vitamin D - (protective eyewear required!)

2010-04-26T23:48:00.000-07:00

It is well-known that I am not a fan of supplementing infants, under 6 months, with vitamins of any kind. Why do I dare go against, what some consider, an absolute necessity? First of all, I usually go against things that don't make sense. For instance, breastmilk actually does contain some vitamin D along with ample amounts of Vitamins A & C and the other vitamins and minerals a newborn needs - go figure! Also considering, Vitamin D, is not really something you're supposed to get through your food, who’s to say that the amount in breastmilk is deficient, it may be “just right”.

Seconds of all, I prefer to trust Mother Nature before I would any company whose main purpose is to: MAKE MONEY, SELLING PRODUCTS THAT MAKE PEOPLE SICK AND THEN MAKE MORE MONEY, SELLING PRODUCTS THAT ARE SUPPOSED TO CURE THEM BUT USUALLY DON'T, BECAUSE THEN, THEY WOULDN'T MAKE ENOUGH MONEY!!

OK, now I feel better that I got that off my chest! Thirdly, sunlight is still our main source of Vitamin D, unless you're in a cold, dark climate with little sun exposure, or very dark-skinned, 10-15 minutes of sun (even near a window, if it's cold out) should be enough. What have we turned into - the people who fear the sunlight? The CSS - Crazy Sunphobic Society?

Due to the immaturity of the infant gi tract (better known as guts) introducing substances directly by mouth, other than breastmilk, only serves to place them at risk for food allergies, asthma and probably eczema. See for yourself @ :
http://email06.secureserver.net/attachment.php folder=INBOX.Sent_Items&uid=536&aEmlPart=0&part=2&tnef_part=-1&filename=early%20vitamin%20supplements.pdf&email_folder=INBOX.Sent_Items#

By the way, have you ever taken the time and read the ingredients on a bottle of Tri-Vi-Sol, made by Emfamil? (Mead Johnson) including the synthetics, artificial colors and flavors and don’t forget the sugar…..yummmm! How about the Side effects: upset stomach, headache and unusual or unpleasant taste in mouth – just what you and your baby need, right?
Note to reader : please don’t ask me for advice about your fussy baby if you insist on continuing this practice. In fact, maybe you should ask your doctor or the formula rep who pushes this crap, if they would like to care for your crying, sick baby! Better yet, take responsibility for their future life-long illnesses!

Now for those of you, who are known to be Vitamin D deficient or live in a cave or truly believe the risk of rickets actually exists and just can’t take that chance, I have a safe option for you and your baby. According to this study, you can increase the Vitamin D in your breastmilk (thus to your baby), by simply taking more Vitamin D yourself. Study below: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17661565 "Breastfeed Med. 2006 Summer;1(2):59- 70. High-dose vitamin D3 supplementation in a cohort of breastfeeding mothers and their infants: a 6-month follow-up pilot study.

So, problem solved.(again!) Thankfully, you can feel good, if you choose to take the supplements, that you’ll be supporting a vitamin company and not the unethical, greedy formula industry! I am proud of you and happy for your baby!!

In closing, I’d like to leave you with one of my all-time, favorite “tongue in cheek” but quite effective commentaries about the subject: So enjoy and go outside!!! (preferably during the day)

But God Forgot the Vitamin D in Breastmilk??
By Dr. Jack Newman FRCPC

"The phalarope, a wading shorebird, has a unique way of dining on creatures too deep for it to reach. It draws them up by spinning in the water at breakneck speak. Phalaropes detect prey, thrust, seize, transport and swallow in less than half a second, at a rate of 180 pecks per minute".

But God forgot the vitamin D in human milk?

"Light signals are essential to butterfly mating... Males and females have photoreceptors on their sex organs. When light to the male's receptors is completely blocked, the pair's genitalia are exactly aligned and they can mate. If the light leaks, it's no go."

But God forgot the vitamin D in human milk?

"Tiny blind burrowers, Namib Desert golden moles have nifty survival tricks. After hunting termites on the surface, they dig a foot or so into the African sand and remain torpid there for 19 hours or more as their bodies cool, reducing their energy needs".

But God forgot the vitamin D in human milk.

"Bola spiders excel at capturing moths. Females spin a silken thread with a sticky droplet at the end. When a moth appears, the spider swings the thread until it sticks. To bring moths close, the spider uses deception. She produces chemicals similar to pheromones used by females of several moth species to attract mates. When male moths show up, they find only a fatal attraction."

But God forgot the vitamin D in human milk?

Hold Me, I Need a Good Cry!

2010-04-22T23:26:00.000-07:00

For a minute, close your eyes and remember how it felt the last time you cried in the arms of someone you love? Afterwards, did you feel better? Perhaps, relieved, relaxed, and totally connected to that person?

We all need a good cry, now and then, even your baby. Crying is healthy for us and its healing function begins at birth. It is believed that stress-relief crying, early in life, helps prevent emotional and behavioral problems later. But this healing process is only effective if the baby is allowed to cry in the safety and comfort of a parents loving arms.

Let’s be quite clear. I am not talking about babies who are left to “cry-it-out” alone. As you know, I do not advocate sleep training - it’s against everything I believe, not to mention, I don’t buy into the BS that a baby “learns” to sleep.

Now, the ugly truth, what they do learn from sleep training.

#1 They can no longer trust you or anyone.

#2 They are truly powerless and should just give up.

#3 They are not a worthy enough for someone to help them

#4 Their crying leads to feelings of despair and sadness

#5 Their anxiety and fear will be a normal part of life.

FYI- This is how it really works:
When you plop them in their crib, awake and alone, their nervous system signals life-threatening danger and then they are programmed to cry. This escalates into severe stress and distressful crying followed by quieting, with emotional and physical withdrawal. This is called the protest-despair response. This response is associated with high levels of the stress hormone, cortisol, which permanently alters certain brain structures which are involved with memory and vulnerable to stress.
Oh yeah, and when you come into their room in the morning and they greet you with that big smile and they are so happy to see you!! It’s because they feared something horrible happened to you and that they would never see you again. Dramatic but true.

Babies are vulnerable, feeling human beings who you need to be attuned to, quickly respond to and nurture. They need to be loved unconditionally, good nights and bad.

Now, for the therapeutic side of things, crying does help babies release stress and heal from trauma, as long as all their current needs are met and they are not suffering from a medical condition. But babies should always be held in arms and never left to cry alone.

There are many sources of stress for babies. When a pregnant mother is anxious or depressed, the baby can be stressed even before birth. Some other reasons could be; fear, pain and trauma at birth, colic, allergies, over stimulation, high frustration prior to attaining developmental milestones and frightening events.

Crying-in-arms is a healthy release for babies. So, this is how you can help. First, make sure there is nothing wrong, make sure they have been fed, changed and not sick. Then, you need to relax and honor your baby’s attachment needs and just hold her, go into a peaceful room and get into a comfortable chair, look in her eyes and talk, gently reassuring her and allow her to release the stress of whatever is bothering her. Listen respectfully to what she is trying to tell you. Before you know it, you’ll both be asleep!

This is the child who will always feel she can come to you and confide in you, no matter how serious the matter. Cry in your arms and be comforted, no matter how old she is. A kinder, gentler soul.
Isn't this the legacy you'd like to leave behind?

Expressing Concern

2010-04-21T17:28:00.000-07:00

Even though, more mothers in the US have “latched-on” to fact that breastmilk is best.

They refuse to “latch-on” their babies! You mean, breast-feeding? Forgedaboudit!

Read for yourself:
Breast Pumping on Rise as Moms Choose Not to Breast-Feed - TIME
http://www.time.com/time/health/article/0,8599,1971243,00.html?artId=1971243?contType=article?chn=sciHealth
Breast-Free Breastfeeding, Exclusive Pumping’s Growing Popularity
http://www.babble.com/breast-free-breastfeeding-kate-tuttle-exclusive-pumping-s-growing-popularity/index4.aspx

NEWS FLASH: Breastmilk from a bottle is not the same as breastmilk “real time” from the breast! Breastmilk changes in composition; during the feeding, throughout the day, not to mention, day to day. The beginning of the feeding is different from the end of the feeding. The morning milk is different than the night milk. Today’s milk will be different from tomorrows. A nursing mother constantly colonizes antibodies and literally immunizes her baby every time she nurses. Comfort hormones are released during the feeding that the mother and baby receive simultaneously resulting in a sleepy, calm baby and relaxed mom. That’s the beauty of breastmilk, directly from the breast!!

REALITY CHECK: Most pumped milk, especially after freezing long-term, will quickly be "out-dated, poorly-timed, age-inappropriate and non-immune”. Sure, it’s better tolerated than formula, but once it is stored and/or frozen, the baby is missing out on many of the beneficial physiologic properties. For instance, someone in your house is sick and you are nursing, your breastmilk will protect your baby from the severity of that illness. But if you are bottlefeeding your baby breastmilk pumped 3 months ago, he/she will not be protected. Breastmilk is a “live” body fluid. Many elements do not survive long-term storage (longer than a week) for example: antioxidants, host-defense factors, Vitamins A, C & E

WARNING: If you attempt this, statistically, you will ultimately fail. Most women cannot keep up with the volume consumed by their baby via the bottle, where overfeeding is universal. Ask anyone who pumps at work and has to contend with their daycare provider’s constant nagging for more milk.

True, some women are just blessed with enough milk for the entire state and they are usually the only ones that may pull this kind of thing off. But it is rare. Some women make it to 3 months, a few to 6-7 months. Sooner than later, they get frustrated, exhausted and “cut the cord” with their pump!

Aside from the many misconceptions that lead to this decision, it’s the emotional component that is most disturbing to me. Sadly, I don’t have enough space to address the impact on the baby (I can’t even go there right now) But what I will tell you is: women who choose to exclusively pump, tend to be very controlling and quite competitive. Often, they brag about things like: how much milk they can pump at one sitting. One time, I was asked how much milk I made. So, I pointed to my son and said, ‘You’ll have to ask him!” These women love to brag about how much breastmilk they have in the freezer. So,I would brag about how much ice cream I had in the freezer! And of course, I can’t forget this one; not only, does their baby drink down a bottle in record time but he can hold his own bottle, too! That’s when I would say:
“That may be fine for you, but honestly, I cherish every minute we spend together breastfeeding…and so does he!”

Suck It Up!

2010-04-11T22:54:00.000-07:00

Last week, a new study published in the Pediatrics journal: The Burden of Suboptimal Breastfeeding in the United States: A Pediatric Cost Analysis, concluded that if 90 % of U.S. women breastfed their babies for the first six months of life, over 900 infant lives would be saved each year, along with 13 billion dollars in associated medical expenses each year.
http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/cgi/content/abstract/peds.2009-1616v1

One of my dear clients, (who obviously thought my blood pressure wasn’t high enough!) alerted me to the Newsweek blog by Mary Carmichael, entitled: Most Women Stop Breast-feeding by Six Months. Whose Fault Is That? Needless to say, I braced myself for yet another negative, self-serving response or should I say, excuse to why women in American just can’t nurse. She refers to the above study as, “the next round in the never-ending slugfest over the health benefits of breast-feeding.” I refer to it as, the next round in the never-ending denial and "udder" ignorance of Americans over the health benefits of breastfeeding, to the point of shame and embarrassment.
http://blog.newsweek.com/blogs/thehumancondition/archive/2010/04/05/most-women-stop-breastfeeding-by-six-months-whose-fault-is-that.aspx

Furthermore, Ms Carmichael states half-heartedly, “Yes, breast-feeding does have health benefits (although we could argue all day about the magnitude of those benefits, especially given how complex and multifactorial the diseases listed in this article are—breast-feeding prevents leukemia?) OMG, she didn’t do her homework! (a simple google search would have sufficed!) FYI- Babies who are breastfed DO have a lower risk of developing childhood leukemia, according to an analysis of 14 STUDIES by researchers at the University of California, Berkeley. Bring it on, Ms Carmichael! Nay-sayer!

What do you think prompted the American Academy of Pediatrics recommendation over 10 yrs ago? Namely that “babies be exclusively breastfed (no water, juice, tea, formula, or other liquid or solids foods) until they are at least six months old and that breastfeeding continue for at least one year and as long thereafter as is mutually desired.” It was the overwhelming studies that could no longer be denied. Yet, the majority of physicians in the US, as we well know in NJ, advice otherwise, putting our children and mothers at risk everyday.

How do they get away with it? Does the term, INFORMED CONSENT, mean anything? Why do doctors and hospitals protect new parents from the knowledge of the risk associated with infant formula use? This phenomenon is not seen in any other area of health care. Could it be their contractual association with the infant formula industry? Women are told of the risks of alcohol and cigarettes to their unborn children. Smokers are told of tobacco's hazards to their health and to those who breathe their second-hand smoke. Yet the known dangers of formula feeding are never discussed or if they are mentioned, it’s not in a straightforward way. The fact is, concealing risk is unethical and violates the principles of informed consent.

But instead, parents hear about the "benefits" of breastfeeding, as though they are “extras” above and beyond what a mother could want for herself and her child. These "bonuses" are measured against the poor health outcomes of formula feeding–-outcomes so common in the US that they are seen as the "norm" by which we measure all babies.

I could comment on literally everything she wrote but it just gives me a headache so only one more quote, Ms Carmichael concludes her blog with this statement: “Breast-feeding has some health benefits, but we shouldn’t blame mothers who don’t manage to do it long term because not everyone can. Sometimes that is the fault of hospitals and corporate workplaces and formula makers. And sometimes—it may be unsatisfying to say it, but it's true—there really is no one to blame.”

Well, it satisfies me to say, “that is not true and just a cop-out!” I am sick of the irresponsible behavior and excuses surrounding this critical health issue. Ms Carmichael wishes us to casually dismiss the blame for the fact that 88% of mothers in this country are formula feeding by 6 months? No one should be held responsible for the 13 billion dollars in extra health care costs or over 900 infant lives lost each year? This is simply unacceptable! There's blame all right,and everyone has a share in it, including her.

Trust me, I would be first in line to force the medical establishment, government, corporations and formula manufacturers to take responsibility for the damage done but that won’t happen. Even educating the public, about breastfeeding, is often watered down and minimized, taking a back seat to almost any other health issue. Tons of money is poured into programs to promote and support nursing but they still cannot compete against the resources, greed and unethical practices of the formula industry. Let's face it, there is no money to be made in breastfeeding. Thus, no commercial value placed on it......no worth what-so-ever?

Well, I for one, am not standing for it! I implore you, MOTHERS OF AMERICA!!!! It's up to us. We have the breasts and thus bear the ultimate responsibility for the health and well-being of our own children. No excuses. No regrets. We can no longer afford to let others interfere or negatively influence their decision and commitment to breastfeed. Our babies are depending on us to provide what is best and that should be our only priority, first and foremost. Future generations are counting on us to reclaim and restore this basic right, as nature intended.
So let’s make our babies proud, healthy and happy...let's breastfeed, no matter what, the hell with everyone else! Breasts and Babies Rock!!!

A Mother's Embrace

2010-03-31T22:31:00.000-07:00

Justin Wilson
3/17/86 - 3/20/10

As I watched, a mother buried her son today. As I stood, a mother’s arms ached to hold her child again, as if the simple gesture alone could restore him to life. Yet, I couldn’t help but picture my nephew, Justin in his mother’s arms. To me, it was a comforting thought, seemed like the safest place to be, out of harms way, he would have liked that, she would have liked that. .

As mothers, we hand over our children many, many times, whether to a relative, babysitter, teacher, coach, college or as in this case, the military. This is one of the most difficult things we have to do. I believe mothers comply reluctantly but would never wholeheartedly place a child out of her sight. I don’t care how old you are, you don’t rest unless all your children are present and accounted for. So this concept of “letting go” is one we struggle with. Embracing or hugging is how we show our children that if it were up to us, we would never let them go.

A mother’s embrace is a powerful thing; never to be underestimated. It is the simplest and most symbolic gesture of motherly love. So hug early and often. Cherish the gift you were given today and everyday because as I was reminded this week, we never know when our gift will be called back home.

The American Family - Corporate Dictatorship's Sacrificial Lamb

2010-03-19T15:08:00.000-07:00

So, here you are pregnant (to your employers chagrin) working and slaving, right up until you deliver your baby. This way, you can use all your paid maternity leave and vacation time for after the baby is born. The important thing is to spend as much time home with your new baby as possible. Sounds familiar? After all, that’s when the baby really needs you and the real work begins, right?

Well, if you knew the following, would your decision still be the same? According to a study published a year ago, in Women’s Health Issues, moms who worked during their last month of pregnancy, instead of taking off the month before, have a four time greater risk of ending up with a c-section.

This was true in my case. I worked as a nurse in the Emergency Dept and planned to take off two weeks prior to delivering my first child. Low and behold, the day after I left work, I went into labor and ended up having a c-section Thankfully, I was able to deliver my next two children, vaginally (VBAC) most likely because, I did not work full-time and as a result, I was able to rest and prepare adequately for delivery.
(yes, even with children at home!)

Working women, trained to be agenda-oriented, are easy targets for the “c-section pitch”: it’s predictable, scheduled at your convenience, there is no labor pain to experience and you get two extra weeks off!
Sadly, that’s another reason New Jersey’s c-section rate is 39%, the highest in the country.

How about this familiar scenario? “I’ll go back to work as soon as my paid leave is over (six weeks in NJ) because my company is so supportive, they have on-site child care and a program to help me transition back to work including a lactation specialist…...it should be just fine.”

Again, if you were informed of the following, would your decision still be the same? A recent study found that the length of postpartum leave dictated how successful breastfeeding would be. Women who took less than 6 weeks of maternity leave had a four times greater risk of breastfeeding failure, women who return to work between 6-12 weeks had a two times greater risk of failure. Some of you know why because you’ve been there, done that. You’re committed but feel sabotaged by your very busy work schedule and your caregivers, who are ripping through your milk, over-feeding your child, thus demanding more milk than you can pump and then, well the rest is history.

It is common knowledge that both delivery by c-section and infant formula feeding are more costly for the corporations. Higher surgical costs, extended hospital stays, increase risk of complications as well as longer recovery time.(those extra two weeks) Infants who are formula fed have a much higher rate of infections, allergies, asthma, eczema, etc. thus absenteeism from work is higher for those mothers. So, it makes better economic sense for employers to promote the full use of maternity leave including extending pay. Unfortunately, this is not the case. Instead, the corporate focus is on luring the mother back, as early as possible, even before her allotted time, by offering an array of services disguised as “pro-family” when in fact they are just the opposite.

For instance, one manager states, “Our program allows parents to come back to work earlier while continuing to bond with their children. It also helps to address separation anxiety that many new parents can have.” Just a few thoughts: How can you bond with a child you’re not with all day? Aren’t parents supposed to have separation anxiety? No one ever seems to mention the baby’s feelings or sense of well being. Who assumes that responsibility?

Any working mom will tell you that the minute your life starts “getting better”, it’s time to go back to work! By three months; you’re physically feeling better, emotionally you’ve adjusted more, breastfeeding is finally going great, your day is more manageable and you’ve made new friends, who have babies. Not to mention, the best thing; the baby starts to provide feedback like smiles, giggles and sheer excitement, they become so much fun! No wonder new moms are so ambivalent about returning to work. Who wouldn’t feel cheated, not to mention, anxious, sad and depressed.

This is an example of how the corporate “conditioning” works. A mom was quoted in saying that her corporate program made a huge difference in getting her comfortable with going back to work after her baby was born. "My first week back I was checking on him three or four times a day," she says. "But by the fourth week, maybe I showed up at lunch." This is exactly what employers want you to do! Their plan is to normalize family separation in order to increase company retention and productivity.

This corporate trickery of robbing precious time from families and making it appear “supportive” is unnerving. Just for the sake of improving their return-to-work metrics! To repeat myself, the real intent here is to recapture you, (their productive employee), back behind that desk before you even know what happened. If that’s not bad enough, you are made to feel obligated to do so and grateful to them for the opportunity.

People, we live in a culture that places little value on mothering, let alone breastfeeding. We need to recognize the American corporate agenda for what it really is – a wolf disguised in grandma’s clothes and stop buying into it! What does it take for us to realize that there is NO PROGRAM OR DAYCARE, I don’t care how expensive it is; that can replace what a mother does for her baby, both physically and emotionally! We need to insist that corporations stop spending their money to implement programs that promote early separation as “acceptable”, custodial care of infants as “acceptable” and destruction of the family unit, as “acceptable.” Instead, they should be forced to spend where it makes the most sense, in the form of job-protected extended paid leave.

This would enable women to take ample time off before delivery, in order to have the restorative energy necessary for giving birth, reducing the risk of c-section. In addition, extended paid leave is proven to result in happier, healthier mothers and babies. So, paying women to stay home is an investment that would actually save the corporations money, not to mention, save the integrity of our families.

I believe, we can no longer afford to sacrifice our families for the sake of corporate profit. This is too high a price to pay and one that, I fear, has and will continue to have, devastating consequences for the future of our country.

The Anti-Blogger's First Post

2010-03-15T21:55:00.000-07:00

Well, I never thought I would do the very thing I warn all my client's against - blogging! How many times have I said, "Don't let me know, see or hear that you have been taking advice off a blog site, from someone who knows nothing about you or your child, let alone anything else. They are often a coffee-clutch of judgement and punative solutions that do nothing but increase your anxiety and self-doubt. Undermining your desire to mother your baby with love, respect and compassion by instilling a belief system that is selfish and self-serving. I am sure if your baby could speak he/she would say," Step away from the damn computer and hold me, I will show you what I need."
Guess what? Your baby trusts you, I trust you, so the least you can do, is trust yourself. The answers are not in a book or on the computer yet that's where we look and where we are set-up for disappointment over and over.
Trust me on this one, the answers you are looking for, you've had all along. That's right, like Dorothy, from the Wizard of Oz, had the ability to go home anytime she wanted. The answers are in your heart...in the very heart that loved this baby before it was born, maybe before it was even conceived. The very heart that gave you the strength to grow and carry their body protected inside your own. The very heart that empowered you through the risks and pain of delivery. The very heart that will now intuitively guide you through the many challenges of parenthood.
So embrace what is real. Touch what you've made. Allow yourself to experience, with wonder and amazement, these very special things you've done.....(none of which required a book or computer!)